141...109...

I came home from Korea the first time, after 2 and a half years, because I was engaged. My fiance (from NY) was ready to come back and start life at home again. I had been accepted into grad school in Florida (farther from 'home' I could not get), and he was applying to law school in the same area (and needed to be home to do it). Our families were both happy we were coming back.


Bad decision (on all counts). Once the engagement was off, I spent the full year+ at home wishing I was back in Korea. Everytime a plane passed overhead, my heart was on it. It was as though I had come home a bit emptier than when I left. My last day in Korea, spring of 2005, I remember walking down "my" street in tears because I wasn't ready to leave. Lesson Number One: Do things for yourself, because you want them, not solely to make others happy.


Positive side of coming home; met S, fell blissfully in love, and did the dating-engaged-married thing between June and September '06. We would never have met had I not returned to Canada the summer before. But, with Korea still nagging on my mind, it was mostly all I talked about and thought about. When (I can only assume) I had worn her down with all of my longing for Korea, she suggested that we move to Korea together, give it a try. Woohoo!! I was SO ecstatically happy I can't even really comment about it.


Though our families were not as thrilled as we were, we picked up in October and headed to Korea. Our plan when we left was to work for two years, travel and teach, and then to save enough money to have an around-the-world trip for a few months. The first morning back in Korea, it was as though pressure had finally been relieved from my chest and lungs, and S remembers that I was lighter and brighter when we awoke in our hotel room. That first morning we went for a walk down the street to orient ourselves to our surroundings, and I really felt like I was home, I was so happy.


We were loving our time in Korea. S was considering a contract renewal, and I was happily bobbing along doing my thing. In August a panicked phone call from home informed me that my father had just been diagnosed with a double dose of cancer, and I needed to come home. They said three to six months. Within the next 2 days the doctors had said less than a month - I had to leave right then. I told my poor principal, and he did everything he could to make it easy, such a great man. S decided to stay in Korea (no reason to come home, it would be weird, she would stay and make some more money), and return home later. I returned to Canada mid-August, and decided to stay (for my mother's sake). To prevent divorce from filling the widening gap between us, S returned home at the beginning of October, and we agreed to try to make things work so we could stay back in Canada.


Problem at this point is that now there were 2 of us unhappy to be in Canada; wrenched out of our comfy spot in Korea, where we had truly started making ourselves at home, for someone else. Goals abandoned, unable to afford travel and the things we had planned while we were away. Now, you do what you have to do for the people you love. I love my mom, and S loves me, and we needed to be at home. But this Spring, after several jobs, a couple of moves, and continued recycled unhappiness and unidentifiable discomfort (like ants-in-the-pants), we have finally decided to go back to Korea again.


We haven't told our families yet. Our friends know, they are always less judgemental (and there is MUCH less drama!). For the most part our friends are excited for us, and I dare say that they are also unsurprised. Our families will also likely be unsurprised, but likely significantly more unhappy about it (especially my mom). I'm not looking forward to that conversation, though we will have it, next weekend when we make the 5-hour drive to visit. I'm not sure how I'm going to help her see the bright side of things, but hopefully she'll come around.


For now, what was "141 days and counting" is now "109 days and counting," and it is almost time to start getting ready to move. There is sorting, selling and packing to be done. Jobs need to be found, and travel arrangements need to be made for us, the 2 dogs and the cat. Notice needs to be given at work and with family members, and we need to start stocking up on deoderant, shoes, and claritin (haha). Though I don't look forward to the mom conversation, I am undeniably excited that we are going, and I CAN'T WAIT!! Now, I should go and put lunch on for S, she'll be home for lunch in half an hour. 109 days, 108....