6 Weeks

I think it’s possible to leave a piece of your spirit behind if you leave a place before you’re ready; it’s happened to me before, like I was fragmented, part of my mind constantly on returning to the place I’d left, wanting to return, wishing I was there, feeling the pull of the connection I’d had... I want to make sure that doesn’t happen this time, but I don’t really know yet what I need to do differently...

I'm not great at goodbyes. It doesn't matter if I'm leaving a person or a place, it's the same for me when I'm attached. And attached, I am.

I have been happily tucked away in my quiet corner of Asia for a combined total of 5 years now, and I have been very happy here. Well, it’s been mostly quiet, other than some loud squabbles in 2010 that are all but put to rest now (at least in my sight). I love my work, I love the country, I love the people and the food, my ability to travel, my extra income, travelling around the country, seeing my kids, the amazing food (notice I said food twice??!) giggling...

In the time I've been here this place has become home. I have been back to Canada twice since I first got here; I love my country, Canada is flippin' awesome, but both times I wanted desperately to return to my life here within a month of landing, homesick for this place, for the life I could have here.

There are things I don't like of course; I keep trying to remind myself that there are things that I won’t miss...

I don't like living in a 20x12 apartment, being crammed into the subway car like a sardine, the SMELL on the subway cars any time after 7pm, or the piles of vomit on the street if you're out around 7am Saturday or Sunday morning...

I don't like being asked to pay $6 for 5 green beans or $17 for honeydew melon or cantaloupe, hearing No big size here, no big size – YOU BIG SIZE!, or No lady, no King-Kong size here, you go now!(hand pushed out in my face, stopping me at the door of the shop before I even go in there) when I try to shop for clothes, or being asked by taxi drivers with a wink and a grin if I’m a “Russian” because of my colouring (it’s not as polite a question as it seems in this country - they're really asking me if I'm a prostitute).

I don't like being shoved walking on the street (just crowded), or when I'm grocery shopping (right of way assumptions), the way people put their hand on my shopping cart and stare into it open-jawed as they STOP in the middle of the aisle (blocking the 50 people behind them and in front of me) gazing through the items in my cart (tofu, rice, vegetables, fruit, pasta...) wondering what the strange-coloured creature eats while she's in their land (same thing as YOU people!!!)...

I don't like the way people talk about me at full volume assuming I don't speak their language when indeed I understand enough to know that they're shocked at my tattos, wondering if my skin feels the same as theirs (yes, thank you for the random showertime boob grabs and the bum pinches grandmas!), and where I find clothes big enough to fit (thank you language classes and Rosetta Stone).

I hate the way they try to test me for pregnancy and STDs every time I visit the Dr (even about a cold or flu!) even though I've told them I haven't had a new sexual partner, and the way there's no privacy here in the medical system (yes miss, just put that paper dixie cup full of urine on that lunch cart in the middle of the hall with the other 30 dixie cups - your name is in pencil on the side, don't worry!!" (remember that part back in March?!).

I have tried the local dating scene, (market research completed) and that's just not my thing, it's too much work dating someone whose English isn't great. That being said I've been on a few dates with men who spoke English fluently... Americans (soldiers and teachers), Italians and Russians (embassy staffers), Germans (mechanical engineers and designers), Mexicans and even a Russian (contract workers), but none of that was anything that felt real - interesting enough diversions perhaps, but that was that.

I could go on really, there are always small things that drive a person crazy, but do you know what?

None of these things matter or make me want to leave Korea; they’re just little things that make me in-the-moment crazy on a bad day... everything is minor when I look at the big picture.

I miss many things at home; my friends and family, being on campus for school, the grocery stores, dating, teachings, and workshops, and ceremonies... I'm looking forward to those things, plus yoga and ninjutsu and all those things in good ole' English - yay!!!!!! See? I know there are good things at home too!!

In 6 weeks the school year is done and I’m outta here – it’s time, no matter how much I’ve loved it here. I want to leave on a good note, and not bitter and pissed off like so many who have gone before me, and I’m still on a good note.

I will have some time to travel on and off with a friend, and then it’s back to the ‘real world,’ whatever that means! :) I can catch up with friends and family; just enjoy being at home with all its conveniences and familiar things in the grocery store, haha... I will have to decide on which of the 2 cities to live in, and then find a job and a place to live, and I know the rest will flow more easily from there

It doesn’t feel real, as I look around my tiny space covered with all my crap, most of which is not coming back with me (the next teacher can use it, you might remember how this place had NOTHING when I arrived).  My stomach knots when I think about how little time I have left, and how quickly the days are going by.  I look out the window and try to memorize the view: the neon signs, the concrete, the traffic, the mountains (haha, “mountains”) just behind them... for all it's oddities and craziness, I really do love this place

For the move home I'm trying to get around my blocks before they pop up, trying to make it better before it has a chance to get worse.  I'm choosing to move to a new city, one that will feel different (I'm from Alberta originally) so it’s not like going back to the same time and place... I’m looking into things I can do when I get there that I’ll be excited about and interested in, like yoga and martial arts and art stuff, and I'm staying connected (and getting reconnected) to friends and family that are out that way...  it's a start, right?

How do you say goodbye?  How will I make sure ALL of me manages to get on that plane at the end of February so I can have a real chance of making myself a happy life at home?  I hope that since I'm ready to leave this time, since I could stay but am choosing to go I won't have that problem this time around - that's the theory anyway!

6 weeks and counting, and before you know it??  Wel....